cold hearted

dear b,

is it me or you are being cold hearted to me? i find you very cold to me lately. have you finally made the decision to be with her and going to leave me? if you have you could have told me. i really miss you. but i think you dont see it nor bother to do anything about it. i dont expect you to comfort me but at least tell me the truth that both of us are not meant to be cos you want to spend the rest of your life with her. honestly i dont know why am i fighting for you when i know regardless of that i do wont be as good as what she did. even when i do a million things it cannot replace the one thing she did for you. i dont know whether god wants to test me or you just want to play with me. dont i deserve something better?

why cant i forget about u?

Dear b,

I know you are trying hard to forget about me and still keep me as a friend. But honestly, my heart refused to forget about you. I kept thinking about you. The things we did the memories we had. I know you already gave your heart away to her.I have no place in that small heart of yours. I know I should treat myself better by juSt forgetting all about you and find a better man. To me you are someone special and I want to hold on for as long as I can until one day someone comes and pick me up. Why this world is so unfair that I am always the one who can't get the love I want. How much more test does God wants me to walk thru before he really gives me someone I deserve. Even if it is not you. I still want to be by your side till you really marry her. Obviously I am not as great as she is.

i am not the one

Dear B,

I really dont know how long more can i take it. i know you have told me before you will choose her. i really dont want you to choose her i want you to choose me instead. i know i cannot offer as much as she does. i know i will never be as perfect as her but i am willing to give you my heart. but maybe it is like everyone say. i am stingy. i shall let you who you think you will be happy with. to love someone is to let that person be happy not to make the suffer right? so from today onward i shall stop texting you. stop crying for you. stop thinking about you. and find my own happiness. i will definitely find someone better than you. who will treat me better than you and make my effort worth while. thanks for those sweet memories that i have to remove them to make my life better

should i let u go?

Dear B,

I know I have said I will let you go. I will not hang on to you and let you be happy with her without me being all jealous and annoyed over those times that you spent with her. But my heart seems to tell me I can't let you go.I don't want you to go. I have been having sleepless nights and tearing since the day i say i will let you go. Been thinking about you 24/7 since then. Though I know no matter what I do or what I say won't change your heart, i wish i was given a chance to show you the me who is not such a cry baby and a more caring person. but it seems like you just want to have fun with me and after that leave me to suffer in pain there. I really did show you everything about me yet you still choose her and make me your summer fling. The one regret i have is being your friend. i wish i didnt know you then i wont suffer in such pain.

thanks for the scar
Yokie

My Robin

Is it true that everyone has their own Robin but not everyone can spend their lives with their Robin? Maybe not this life but another life? Sometimes i really wonder why did God show you who is your Robin but did not allow you to spend it with him? Why did God let you meet him, let you spend some precious time with him, but didn't let the both of you go further than that. Should i just remove him from my life to make me really move on since i am not that important to him. I am only important when he is back alone. But when he is over there with her, she is always the one. It shows that he does not think about me at all. I have not receive any text or any concerns from him. Am i just his fling? Am i an entertainment because he is lonely back here? If he really wants to treat me as a friend only he should have told me then i will try to back off. But why must he always only comes to me when he needs me? What about me? Who is going to fulfill my needs? Honestly after this traumatic relationship, i feel like i dont want to pursue anymore. I just want to be a grumpy spinster and never think of love. Cos by end of the day no matter how much i give love i get nothing in return all i get is just bits and pieces of shattered heart that no one is going to pick up and mend it. 

heart broken

i am so heart broken. you dont even bother to message me. dont even bother to think about me, think about my feelings. No nothing. What am Iexactly to you? Just a toy when you have a bad day or extreme boredom? Why can't you be more caring to me. Make me feel loved. I feel like I give and give yet you never give me anything. How much have you showed that you care for me. How much have you showed me that you want me, you need me? I find that I need you more than you need me. Why can't I be the one? Why can't you leave her for me? Why can't my one wish from God is to get you come true?

Second thought

i have been thinking i want to go see you. yet i cannot bring myself to buy the next air tickets to go see you. after what happen last night i am afraid if i am left alone with you, i will not be able to control myself anymore. i hoped you did have fun last night though i could not give you fully what you want. if you are here or i am there i probably would have. i know you are using me for your own pleasure not that you cared how i feel or how i think or would pick me up with i am down. it is ok what is done is done. i will not cry nor regret because the fact that i do love you and no one else. probably if you marry her i will find someone else but i wont love that person as much as you.