My Robin

Is it true that everyone has their own Robin but not everyone can spend their lives with their Robin? Maybe not this life but another life? Sometimes i really wonder why did God show you who is your Robin but did not allow you to spend it with him? Why did God let you meet him, let you spend some precious time with him, but didn't let the both of you go further than that. Should i just remove him from my life to make me really move on since i am not that important to him. I am only important when he is back alone. But when he is over there with her, she is always the one. It shows that he does not think about me at all. I have not receive any text or any concerns from him. Am i just his fling? Am i an entertainment because he is lonely back here? If he really wants to treat me as a friend only he should have told me then i will try to back off. But why must he always only comes to me when he needs me? What about me? Who is going to fulfill my needs? Honestly after this traumatic relationship, i feel like i dont want to pursue anymore. I just want to be a grumpy spinster and never think of love. Cos by end of the day no matter how much i give love i get nothing in return all i get is just bits and pieces of shattered heart that no one is going to pick up and mend it. 

heart broken

i am so heart broken. you dont even bother to message me. dont even bother to think about me, think about my feelings. No nothing. What am Iexactly to you? Just a toy when you have a bad day or extreme boredom? Why can't you be more caring to me. Make me feel loved. I feel like I give and give yet you never give me anything. How much have you showed that you care for me. How much have you showed me that you want me, you need me? I find that I need you more than you need me. Why can't I be the one? Why can't you leave her for me? Why can't my one wish from God is to get you come true?

Second thought

i have been thinking i want to go see you. yet i cannot bring myself to buy the next air tickets to go see you. after what happen last night i am afraid if i am left alone with you, i will not be able to control myself anymore. i hoped you did have fun last night though i could not give you fully what you want. if you are here or i am there i probably would have. i know you are using me for your own pleasure not that you cared how i feel or how i think or would pick me up with i am down. it is ok what is done is done. i will not cry nor regret because the fact that i do love you and no one else. probably if you marry her i will find someone else but i wont love that person as much as you.

should i? will i? or would i?

i have been thinking and thinking. i cannot stop think about it. i really want to fly there to see you. just spending a few days with you will make me happy but i know when i come back i will be even more sad than ever. i would miss you even more. even now itself i am already missing you. i guess it is just like my friend said there is someone that you love yet you are not suppose to be together. maybe to let you go is a way to make you happier. i really wish i could spend more time with you show you how much i care and show you what sort of person i am. i cannot not hold back when i think that you are actually already with someone else. i dont want to spoil someone else relationship nor would i want someone else to spoil mine. i will wait till the day when you decided who you want to choose.